Hi Helen, 
Hey, yes, so happy to be here. How are you doing this week? I'm very excited.  The retreat's coming up quickly now. Felt so long ago when I first, uh, booked the location in June. and it'll soon be 

here. Um, can you tell us a little bit about that?

I know you've got, it sounds like you've got actually a few more spots left, a couple more rooms. 

I do. And yes, I'm so excited. I'm thrilled that you're going to be there. We just have so many exciting energetic and energy adventures available. We have an energy worker that studied with Donna Eden for years and years, like, you know, she's friends with her.

And we have a doctor, she's a chiropractor, and she, she won't be doing the chiropractic work, but she'll be doing energy work. She's amazing. It'll blow your mind. My dear friend, Beth is going to be running access bars. Andrea is doing acupuncture. I'll be, well, I'll surprise, I'm not going to tell you, I'll give Um, the people I'm working with a choice, everybody gets a 15 minute reading with peg if they've already done fingerprints or they'll get their prints done and that explained to them.

Everybody's getting an AO scan with Jeanette, which it reads your voice and tells you which different frequencies you might be high or low in. And then you get a sound clip that I'm. I'm asking everybody to bring earbuds or earphones to the retreat. They can listen to this healing sound specifically for their voice.

And then what would be really fun is retest before you leave. Jeanette would do that for everybody real quick. And, You could see the difference in just three days. And then we have, um, an intuition class. Everybody gets to practice and learn. My dear friend, Sherry Ray is coming to take us through being present and doing some collaging and we're going to have a big family constellation experience.

And then I'll be, I have some other surprises that I'm leading us through some exercises. and lots of treats, and I just, I'm so excited and can't wait. And I could let one cabin go with three rooms, I'd really like to have three more people though, and, you know, hit 30, and share this wonderful experience.

I set up the food and all for 30, so I would love three more people. If anybody's listening and it sounds intriguing, come and play with us in the beautiful woods in Navasota, Texas at Camp Allen. Yeah, I'm so 

excited. And if, uh, people want to find more information on that, can they just send you an email or get on your website?

What's the best way to find some quick info on that? 

Yeah, it's on, uh, HelenRace. com under events. And that'll give you the info and then just uh, and if you want to have a phone chat and ask questions that's great too. Just email me through the website and I'll be happy to reply. Perfect. And is pricing listed there 

as well?

Yes. Okay, cool. Yes, everything's there. Easy. Well yeah, if anyone wants to come please join. It's um, Even if you don't know anyone, just come. We're at, like, it's the best place to go if you don't know anyone. You'll come away with 29 other friends. 30 other friends, I guess. We're gonna have 31 there. 

And it includes 11 meals.

Um, four nights. It's, it's February 5th through the 9th. And so it's a real pattern interrupt from life. We're on a dirt road that dead ends, so nobody's around us. We're overlooking a lake, seven different cabins in the meeting center. I mean, it's real retreat energy for sure. 

Oh, it's gonna, I just already, I feel buzzy when I think about it.

I'm so excited to, Go and just be in it. I'm ready. Take me. Take me away. 

And I was thrilled when you signed up. I did not expect that. 

I didn't expect it either, but I kind of, as soon as you told me, I was like, well, obviously. I gotta, I'm gonna go somehow. I don't know. I don't have any idea how. I'll figure it out.

And then I just kept saying yes. I was like, yeah, every time you would mention it, I'm like, why are you pretending like I'm not coming to this?

It would be so much easier for you to do the Utah ones, right? 

Yes, 

and I'm just excited the location. It's very retreat like the lake that we'll watch the sunrise over it. It's just going to be cozy with us girls. I'm very excited. 

Oh, that sounds so fun. And my sister's coming. I'm so excited to get to do that with her.

Yeah, 

hopefully, the first of many. 

Yes. 

So what kind of cosmic nudge did you have for us this week? 

Okay, I wanted to do something similar to What we talked about last week, which, which was something that came to me as I was, um, I had been meditating on my husband going through some, some health issues and, and how I am going to show up in that, how I was going to show up in it and what kind of my end in mind was for it.

And I think the question I was really asking myself is, what's the message I want yeah, that's what it was. What's the message that I want to come through in how I treat him and how I show up even when Life's still going on and he is having these health issues that are are hard for him and hard for Everyone but him especially so what's the message?

I want him to receive and what I got was you are worth loving just as you are and so Every time, it's been a little mantra that every time something comes up, he's not able to go and do something, he needs extra rest, he needs extra time, or I'm just frustrated in general with anyone or myself now. It's, you are worth loving just as you are, and it's been a huge blessing to me.

So I just wanted to bring that up. 

Oh, that's so very, very beautiful and you just keep repeating it, keep feeling it and eventually all the neuroplasticity in your brain changes and it just becomes your, your dominant way of being, thinking, responding. It's beautiful. 

My son and I had this big, you know, he's four and he's so, he's at, he asks the big questions and I talked about it a couple of weeks ago.

We were having a hard time. With our dynamic and we were just sitting in his room after a meltdown and he had been really hard on himself and I just said to him, None of this is about being perfect. I know it seems like that. It seems like you're not supposed to get it wrong. It seems like you're supposed to always be on your best behavior and, and that should always look a certain way, but you're here to learn.

And part of learning, you have to make mistakes or you don't learn anything. And just like, I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry that that's not fun for you. I am not supposed to be a perfect mom, I'm supposed to be a learning mom. And I'm supposed to be a trying mom. And, um, That just like, I think this whole, you are worth loving just as you are.

It doesn't mean I'm not trying. It doesn't mean that I'm not aligning to something bigger as I grow. It just means that I'm here doing what I'm doing and that's worth loving. 

And it's great when you can come up with a catchphrase that's short enough for you to remember when it has all that depth of meaning to it.

Yeah, very 

emotional for me. So I love that one. And it's a great gift to all of us when you can guide yourself into if this kid's melting down, or I'm overworked because my husband's unavailable, or, you know, I'm disappointed with something going on in life. I'm still worth loving and so are they. That's a beautiful gift that hasn't really existed previously.

Previously it was, you're getting it right and I'm happy with you, or you're not getting it right and I'm cutting off love from you. 

He just, my husband just had COVID, um, a couple of weeks ago and it took him out for a full week and I get, there are people who are doing this single parent. You know, there are different circumstances that I'm in, but this was a huge, he's a, we have a very, very delicate, awesome balance.

And so he got COVID and he was just out. And I, Want to give myself, like celebrate myself because I even mentioned to him, did you notice that I've been super loving this whole time and I haven't complained once? Like, I want, if you asked him, he would tell you I did such a good job. 

I love that you're claiming this wonderful success.

I want more of it. I love that. You're right. It's 

fabulous. Totally. Okay, well, are we ready for our listener question then? Yes, please. Okay, so this question comes in from Mae. And Mae asked, well, she was saying, I saw someone talking about emotional self regulation, and I really feel like it's the root of a lot of difficult habits I've seen from my family in my life and even in myself.

So how do we gauge our ability to emotionally self regulate? And how do we increase our ability to emotionally self regulate? 

So there's a website, The Crappy Childhood Fairy, and she wrote a book, it's called Reregulate. That would have the answer to the way you were asking the question. For me, it's been more of a spiritual journey of how to understand what the emotions mean.

So, yeah. Understanding that emotions aren't here to torture us the way they feel like they are. I've believed that for decades. Understanding that each emotion is an energy in motion, and it's here to invite us to a different choice. I have learned to, you know, there's different wording here, re regulate or heal or empower myself to be in choice, even when I'm overwhelmed with big, strong emotions that don't feel good.

And so there's many paths to the same place of, um, trusting yourself even with an emotional body, right? And you have to find the teacher or the practice knowing that you Mae use more than one even. At different times, different teachers, ways, processes, practices, methods Mae help you. So again, uh, there is a great book out.

It's called Reregulate, and she has all these processes that have worked for many people to heal their minds. Not easy, which she's, I, I love referring to her because she's one of the teachers who say, yeah, this is hard work, and it'll take about a year, which I really admire. And again, for me, it was a little different path.

It was about learning what the emotions mean. And how I can develop choice in that so that I just have a much better experience of myself in life. 

So did you do this course yourself? 

No, I did look at, um, you mean the re regulate? Yes. No. Uh, because I don't need it, but I did look at it enough. I did buy the book, uh, and I bought it for a couple of people who I knew would benefit.

And I've, uh, actually on the audio book too, which I thought was great for a lot of people. I'm like, guys, you might want to see all the progress you've made with emotion. This teaching is not spiritual. It's more science based. It's more about what happens to you neurologically when a big emotion just side, You know, hits you, just blindsides you is the word I was looking for there, just blindsides you and takes over.

Here's what's happened, happening to you at a neurological level. And I said, and even though you've done work and you're beyond this, it can help you understand the people around you better. So no, I didn't do the course, but I did read, I did listen, uh, she even has one free course online and I got enough of it to where It adds to my ongoing education.

You know, I'm, I love teaching. And so it means I'm an eternal student. Let me understand more. I love Dr. Joe Dispensa's work, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. The title got me. I had to, had to get it. He also talks about what happens when a big emotion is triggered in the, from a scientific chemical response and how, and he has a methodology to break that pattern too.

And so you want to look and learn. And then I also enjoy Um, the information on emotional IQ, and yet for me personally, my go to, my fallback, what I use most in coaching, although again, I refer people to any of these teachers, is understanding what the emotion means. So that then you can have a different relationship with the emotional body, your own and others.

And that work is from Carla McLaurin, The Language of Emotions. And Calvin Bunyan, he wrote The Secret of Feelings, I think. He's a hypnotist and he has a lot of free stuff on his website too. So again, my answer to you is find the teacher at this time that helps you make progress in the direction you prefer to go.

And then keep seeking and learning because as we understand different perspectives and levels and layers of what it is we want to experience, it comes more easily to us. Can 

you give us an example of an energy in motion of, I mean, we're working on that gratitude as alchemy. Um, can you give us an example for, 

well, okay, I'll give you a personal one.

So I just taught gratitude as alchemy and in it we bring up a fear based emotion. Those are the ones that don't feel good. And then you write, um, what it is you're actually afraid of, which it, it takes a little practice to light. Get beyond the feeling to the intellect of what it is that's running the feeling and then gratitude of why you're in clarity of it.

And then you, you're gonna change it, like choose love. So, I've had, uh, some close people to me go through some really sad times, like I get emotional just thinking of it. And so I was writing, you know, I'm experiencing the fear based emotion of disappointment, sadness, and fear about, and it was about these people and the pain they're going through and the loss.

And so then I had to look it up, even though I wrote the cheat sheet. So I looked up disappointment, fear, and loss, and it was that, you know, you think they can't, disappointment means you think that you can't be happy with what, what is happening. Even though there's just one segment that's sad, right? And fear is that, you know, the unknown, fear of the unknown.

I don't, I don't have enough information. And sadness is the fear of letting go. And I thought, wait a minute. I don't even believe any of this about them. They'll cry, they'll grieve, they have a lot of support around them, they are not victimized by this, they're showing up remarkably well. And I'm like, isn't it interesting that I have old beliefs about emotion that's still running the feeling place, and yet I haven't updated them.

And so that was really exciting to me. So understanding what sadness means, fear of letting something go. Disappointment means fear that I can't be happy even with this thing happening. And fear means I'm afraid I can't be safe if I don't have enough information. And none of those things were literally true for me when I stopped and wrote them out and thought about it.

So that understanding of what the meaning is helped me shift a giant belief. Because one of my big ones that I'm working on today, which is emotionally based, is this habit or addiction, this long habit of suffering for others. And believe me, I would do it if it helped them, but it doesn't. It just limits my capacity for the joy and compassion I'd like to experience.

So my point in sharing so personally and telling you where I'm at is, it's never over. You know, what will help you right now? What will get you to the next level? And then from there, you'll be happy for a while and then you'll want even more. And then find the next method or process or, or teacher and apply that.

And you just keep building this beautiful lavishly abundant consciousness of all this forward movement into more love and light and peace and happiness. 

Just as you were saying, you'll have it and then you'll want more. I think I've always heard that in kind of a negative connotation of like, Oh, why can't you just be happy with what you have?

But it's, it's, that's human. We're here to get the good and up level it if we want more. Yeah, more and more good. 

And as we have more good, it doesn't just mean physical things, right? Like you know, stuff. It means we want more good for everybody. And that's when you do a podcast like this, or you contribute to charities, or you help people, or you are excited to go to the new restaurant and support their business, or buy the book and support the author and give gifts.

You just want that expansion of goodness to never end. 

There is nothing selfish about wanting goodness for ourselves. 

No, because the better you feel, the nicer you are, right? And yet it takes some, it takes some emotional maturity, some heart maturity to want goodness instead of the ego telling you, get this and you'll feel better, especially if they don't have it.

That's ego. When you move into the heart and what you think is good, it doesn't hurt anybody. When you're in the ego, you kind of like the, What you have makes somebody else feel less than you. So there is a tipping point there. More goodness doesn't mean he who dies with the most toys wins. The game is how much love and light can I experience and radiate from myself, my own life, to others.

Yeah, and why would I say, Oh, no, thank you. I have enough. Give me more. I'll do good things with it. 

Well the ego goes one way or the other. It either goes into poor, pathetic, victimized, unworthy me, or I need to be the boss of everything and have more than everybody else. Ego pretty much plays in the extremes, the drama.

Yeah, so I guess if you're, which I, I have in the past, of course, being a human with an undeveloped ego, or underdeveloped, overdeveloped? Something. With an ego. Unevolved ego. Unevolved ego. Trust me, it's developed.

Just like that, I guess the version that I don't want is, I get something and that means you don't. It's the, I get something and I share it, is what I want. I get something and everyone benefits. Yeah. So. 

Right. And that, yeah, that didn't happen the first time you started changing your mind. And yet, you know, it's this unique time on earth where ego can actually evolve to support us spiritually.

That's cool. So for Mae, the question I would ask Mae is, have you written down, and it might take a few tries or a little bit of time to think about over a few days, what's your target of re regulation? When you re regulate an emotion in your nervous system, what, how do you know you've done it? I would play with that target.

I would get mesmerized with well, I've experienced it here and there, and it feels like this, and it means I can do this and that, and it means I don't, blah, blah, blah. And really get thoroughly immersed in, in understanding what your target is, what, from coming out of being. unregulated with crazy emotions taking you over chemistry.

And then when you're really clear on that, you will find more than one answer of how to get there. So Mae, I'd also like to offer you and all our listeners and Anna and myself, this is a Buddhist prayer, and it's so beautiful. As I shared with you, I'm, I'm learning to evolve through the habit of suffering endlessly for others, um, because it's not supportive.

And I don't do it in interaction with them. I'm always in a very high level of compassion when I listen to people. And yet when I'm just on my own, I can feel overwhelmed with, with sadness and disappointment and, you know, kind of want to curse God. Why isn't it easier? And I've been working for a long time to give this up and evolve through it.

And this beautiful book of prayer came to me. And so I'd like to share it. I find it very helpful. Let me share it. And you'll hear it's for others and self. So it's simply saying over and over, Mae those who are struggling emotionally, Maebe they be lovingly held in compassion. Mae their discomfort and pain be eased, and Mae they know peace.

Mae those suffering in anger, Mae they be held in compassion. Mae their fear and pain be eased, Mae they know peace. Mae I, and the versions of me that have suffered with strong emotion, Mae I feel held in compassion. Mae my pain and confusion be eased. Mae I know peace. Mae my past self that suffered through the reactions I could not control, Mae that self be held lovingly, supportingly, kindly, in compassion.

Mae my guilt and embarrassment be eased. Mae I know peace. And so a beautiful way to heal the heart of guilt and grief, and to lovingly support others. And it's nice to know that there are millions of people, many, many monks, many Americans who study Buddhism that do this for all of us, sending it out to the world.

It's a beautiful thing to do for self others and to circulate that compassion. 

I just got, um, Sylvia Borstein's book. I think it was one of the first ones she wrote. Um, it's easier than you think, uh, the Buddhist way to happiness. I just got that. So you've been talking about Buddhism a lot today. Oh, so look, we're in sync!

Thank you for that, Helen. You're very welcome. Alright, well thank you so much for listening and thank you for the question, Mae. We will see you all next week. Bye, Helen. Thank you, everybody.