Hi, Helen. Hi! What do you have cooking for us this week? So much. It's going to be such a good episode. Um, today is January 30th. So we're just about through our first month of the year. Heading out of Capricorn season into Aquarius. Amazing, isn't it? Yeah, pretty fun. Okay, so we've got, do you have any housekeeping, anything you want to say?

Coming up, you've got the retreat coming up. So I'll be seeing you soon. Yeah, that's exciting. Um, can you tell us a little bit about that? I know you've got, it sounds like you've got actually a few more spots left, a couple more rooms. I do. 

And yes, I'm so excited. I'm thrilled that you're going to be there.

We just have so many exciting and energy adventures available. We have an energy worker that studied with Donna Eden. And we have a doctor, she's a chiropractor, and she, but she'll be doing energy work. She's amazing. It'll blow your mind. My dear friend Beth is going to be running Access Bars. Andrea is doing acupuncture.

I'll be, well, I'll surprise, I'm not going to tell you. I'll give people I'm working with a choice. Everybody gets a 15 minute reading with PEG if they've already done fingerprints. Everybody's getting an AO scan with Jeanette, which. It reads your voice and tells you which different frequencies you might be high or low in.

You could see the difference in just three days. And in tuition class, everybody gets to practice and learn. My dear friend Sherry Ray is coming to take us through being present and doing some collaging and we're going to have a big family constellation experience. And then I'll be, I have some other surprises that I'm leading us through some exercises.

And lots of treats. And I just, I'm so excited and can't wait. If anybody's listening and it sounds intriguing, come and play with us in the beautiful woods in Navasota, Texas at Camp Allen. What's the best way to find some quick info on that? Yeah, it's on, uh, HelenRace. com under events. And if you want to have a phone chat and ask questions, that's great too.

Just email me through the website and I'll be happy to reply. 

Cool. Well, we can just jump in then. I was telling Helen for this episode, I prerecorded my question. I appreciate the opportunity to share personally without needing to, with still being able to be respectful of other people. So yeah, so this episode is my question on an experience that I've had recently.

So I'll play that and we'll go from there. Okay, I'm ready to hear it. Here we go. I've been working with you consistently Helen for almost two years and my sister almost a year I think has been working with you and I noticed recently this pattern being exposed and I hope that bringing this up will bless others as well.

We talk about this a lot. This is my experience of a dynamic and it's not meant as an attack or blaming or anything, it's just an experience that I've had in a really interesting pattern that I thought was an incredible experience for me to recognize and I'm really excited to get some help on it. I referred my sister to Helen for help with something even though I had this little thought, she's going to take Helen away from you, that's a very um, like sixth grade, you can only have one best friend kind of thought, and I said, Thank you.

It's going to be okay. I said it then and every time it's come up since and You've been working together. And so I've kind of had this thing where there most recently you mentioned There was someone you were in judgment about and that you couldn't stop thinking about and immediately there were two parts of me In this and one part of me was going she's talking about me.

She's talking about me She's talking about me and the other part of me was going Oh honey, there are so many people in her life. It is most likely not about you. And even if it is, she is literally saying it's not about this person. It's about her relationship to herself and what she's noticing, you know, like, we're good.

We're, we're good here. No one's in trouble. No one's mad at you. And if they are, we'll talk about it because that's the relationship we have. And so. This was really, it was small, like I go through this a million times a day, it feels like. But I was, it was really interesting because it was you, Helen, who I consider, as much as humanly possible, a chAnnel for unconditional love.

And so, it was interesting, and the perfect person for me to have this come up with, because I can go, I know for a fact, when Helen says she'll do something, she doesn't. So, Um, I had that and then during the conscious co creation for the holidays workshop, I had mentioned that my sister had gotten my gratitude as alchemy worksheets spiral bound for me and how much I loved and appreciated that she surprised me with that.

And then you told her how great and lovely that was and, and loving that was during the workshop because it 100 percent was. And then afterwards, Helen, we were talking. I think it was just me, you, and Mallory, and we were talking about a specific book and you said, Oh, you should, Anne, you should get that for your sister.

That would be the most loving thing you could do. That would be such a loving Christmas present, something like that. And in my head I was like, I knew it. I knew it. She thinks I'm a spoiled brat and I'm always gonna just kind of, I'm not ever going to be able to be in the sort of nurturing loving relationship where there's me, someone we're looking up to, and Claire.

And I'm always going to end up being made the bad guy and Claire's going to be preferred and be made into the victim of whatever I do and whatever I do will not be good enough. Whatever Claire does will be above and beyond and even if it's literally physically and or emotionally. Less than I am doing in my perception, it will overshadow what I'm doing.

It won't be what I'm doing won't be seen. And so it was really interesting to have this powerful representation that I could take a step back from and look at with fresh eyes and give myself love on and go, Oh, honey. Because I am the mother I've been looking for. I know the level of care and concern and intention that you put in as much as you can into loving and nurturing and being a sister to Claire.

I know that and no one else needs to know that for you to be worth loving and worth holding and worth having. There's a question in there somewhere but I wanted to bring that up and tell you because I've really been holding on to this victimization because in the end it's really about making myself the victim, right?

That victimization is love. It's like I'm, I'm victimized because I wasn't victimized and it's scary to say because I I want to do it perfectly, this perfect voice comes back up, I want to go and then just be the most perfect compassionate daughter you've ever seen and never have any bad moments and just, I'm gonna get all my terrible ass, terribleness out now so that once I've healed this I don't ever have to do this again, I don't ever have to handle this again, I don't ever have to worry about it again.

I don't ever have to feel it again, and I recognize that's not how it works. And I'm ready to heal in a way that I never have been before at this level, and so I know we've talked about this, there's, we heal kind of the same things at different levels. And it's really scary because I'm concerned that I'm going to say I'm ready to heal and then I'm going to keep ruminating on it.

I'm going to keep needing everyone to know how hard things were, how many things I think were wrong and are wrong in my perception. I'm worried that I'm not going to change even though I want to. At the same time, this is an emotional crutch. It's something that I'm leaning on to make myself feel better by feeling worse.

My question is basically, how do I heal and replace this wound with what I prefer? 

Okay, so first I want to say kudos to you sharing publicly. 

Yeah, you can decide if you want to be part of this. I did ask Claire. 

Good, and so You know, there's a couple of tweaks I'd make on your perception of your question.

How do you heal this? Again, the word healing means it's a sickness that you got to get rid of previously in our culture. And because we're in 2025 now, I would invite you to change your perception of that. How do I evolve this very painful, convoluted, crazy perception in a way that blesses me and my kids, my future grandkids, my friends?

How do I contribute through this pain to something bigger than it, right? So, listening to it, it, I'm glad you put it all in there because Not sure how you got there from me recommending a gift idea, 

right? But that's why this is so perfect because there's absolutely someone, like, it's all in here. And that's why this is such a great example of how someone can be searching for confirmation of a story they're telling themselves.

Exactly, because you've heard me recommend books to Mallory and we were all talking about books. And so it's, it's wonderful sharing. And again, thank you for your courage and your vulnerability and your openness and your trust. It's a wonderful sharing of how crazy the mind can be, and how it will lie to you.

And it's a wonderful sharing of patterns that repeat, you know, the perfectionist voice is trying to make you suffer, right? So what I'd like to do is a process with you because of what you mentioned, it started with the gratitude of alchemy. So what emotions You did say wounded. Do you understand the fear based emotion that, that was dominant first?

Can you name it? 

That was dominant. If we're talking about this situation specifically? 

Mm hmm. 

Um, guilt. Guilt, because I immediately jumped to guilt when you were saying there was something amiss in your life. I'm like, that's me. It's me. I'm the problem. Something amiss? Where did, help me remember what I, what is the word?

So it was, you were only talking about how there was someone in your life that you were having judgment for. It was something like that. Oh, 

and you thought it was you. That's lovely. Yes. Yeah. Okay. It was not you. Um, yes, I got my feelings hurt. Which was about taking somebody else's, you know, their painful mind and, and expression personally, which it's not at all personal.

This person is like that everywhere. Um, so, okay, so yes, you went into, well, I wouldn't even know if I call that guilt. I would call it, Self criticism, right? Like you believed I was judging you or you somehow hurt my feelings. So, oh, I see where you think it's guilt because I might have, you might have been the person who, who I got hurt feelings over.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. So would you ever be responsible for how I feel? No. Good answer. Okay. And then the next fear based emotion that I heard, I think I interpreted, um, was jealousy. Like sharing me with Claire or sharing Claire with me. It could go either way. Right. Okay. Um, and the third, you know, fear-based emotion would be fear that it'll never end.

Yes. Okay. So let's go back to guilt. What is, what is the fear behind the energy feeling place of guilt? Do you remember? 

No, I wish I had my cheat sheet 

out? 

Oh, I do have it. I do have it. I do want to pull it out. Okay. 

Okay. This is fun because we're sharing the process. 

Right, real time. That's why, that's why I was really excited about it.

So guilt, a fear that you can't restore your integrity by making amends adequately for the past. Fear that you can never forgive yourself fully. 

So when you have big emotion like that come up, it means you hit the nail on the head, girlfriend. You're right there, right? You're right there feeling

bigger than just this one situation. 

Oh yeah, I know it is. Um, fear that others will not forgive you or find you acceptable after mistakes. Um, I'll give you this background and I'll cut this part out. 

Oh my gosh, Anne, this is amazing that you pulled that memory up, like you're clearly seeing the pattern. 

I don't even know that in her perception, maybe, maybe she does feel like I neglected her, but I also think that she really, like, cherishes that she had.

An older sister and that she had me I think her experience wasn't how many years apart are y'all nine how many years apart 

nine? Yeah, so you couldn't have liked her all the time. Yeah, right Like right when you when you hit teen she was an Anneoying little person Who is needy. 

Yeah, 

right. And so it's very yeah, it's complex.

Of course, nine years is a big span. 

Yeah But anyway, I just wanted to give you that context of that ancestors dynamic as well, but we were talking about guilt 

All right, so you've you've defined what you know, the fear behind guilt is And so, can you really go back and change the past? No. Is this something you can make amends with?

That's where you would want to see. Is, is there a solution of making amends going forward? Does that even make sense? So one thing I'll tell you that you're healing a habit of unconscious guilt is entrusting me, sharing with me in an appropriate way where you could bless other lives too. Uh, that's making amends.

You, you love and respect me as a human enough to not have this judgmental thought. Or this yucky feeling towards me without sharing it with me so I could, could be with you in it and say, Oh, that's not what I meant. Right? So that's making amends, giving somebody the opportunity to give a different perspective.

Um, and when you think of this sister, you know, I'd always invite you to look at ancestral patterns. Uh, what has gone on before and age differences and situations and can you really go back in time and be different? Nope. How can you lovingly show up for the way you want to feel in sisterhood today? And again, I think it's way cool where you guys are going to be roomies at the retreat.

Like, that's a cool thing to do together. Um, and you guys have a bit of an age span too. There's probably so many little triggers and guilt things of a nine year older sister with a young person. Wanting to tag along wanting to fit in wanting attention. That's, you know, it's like mommy guilt, right? Mm hmm.

And so you really look at the guilt. Okay, I feel the guilt. What do I want to do with that? Well, I want to use this energy that feels horrible to choose more love. Am I a good sister as an adult woman? Today, by my definition, not Claire's definition, not your parent's definition, not your best friend's definition, what's Anne's definition of being a really good sister?

And when you have that, when you show up in that, you will actually transform the guilt into the expansion of love. And then do you remember what jealousy means? 

So handy having the cheat sheet, isn't it? Yeah, if I thought about it, I think I would, yeah. Oh no, that's not. Oh, yes. I'm like, such a rollercoaster there.

Strong feelings of unworthiness. Fear you can never have what you want when you see others who do have it. Uh, 

Yeah. Right? And so you're already doing everything really amazingly, um, well, in my opinion, that you're transforming that unworthiness. You're worthy enough to share your pain and laugh at it and trust me with it and the view, the listeners, and you're worthy enough to, to use your mind as a tool to look at it differently and heal this, change this, transform this.

That's pretty amazing. And so, um, On guilt and jealousy over, you know, the mother wound or the sister crazies or whatever you want to title it. I would tell you, how about spending, you know, some time journaling all the good things about you having been a sister. All the amazing times you did show up well and your, your capacity to love and care about your sister today.

Even though you're busier today than you probably were in your teens. Right? And the joy of it and how you want to cherish it and you are showing up in it differently, that's really amazing. So when we have this lack, this unworthiness, we want to take equal time, at least equal time, to say, wait, what am I getting right?

And how am I aligning to that sense of worthiness? So worthiness for humans, it kind of feels like I don't deserve it. Or I do deserve it. And you have plenty of evidence that you deserve a fabulous relationship and to be acknowledged as a great big sister. And then the third one, fear, do you remember the message of fear?

That there isn't enough, right? Or there's not enough information. 

Right, so you have guilt and jealousy, so there's not enough ways for you to fix what you feel is broken. You have fear that your mind will never get through this loop of suffering. Where it makes you guilty and jealous and afraid. And yet, it's kind of like, I don't, you know, when I grew up Catholic, we have the confession, right?

And there's the biblical quote, where two or more are gathered. So when you air your junk, your goofiness, your crazy mind stuff, when you air it in a higher frequency where somebody's listening in love and non judgment. It does transform. And so the Gratitude is Alchemy workbook is to help you do that with yourself.

And yet, this too, you're going to feel very differently after this, right? And so, as you're opening your heart to say, Oh my gosh, I have all this rambling, crazy stuff in my mind, just from one, two things that I wasn't even accurate on. And right there, you're past a tipping point because you can look at it consciously speak about it in curiosity.

And bring it into this conversation and positive expectation of change. Do you see how powerful that is? 

Yeah, I think so. 

Could you have done that five years ago? 

Absolutely not. Because I would have heard what I was saying to myself and I would have just run away from the situation because I didn't want to be Overlooked.

I didn't want to be overshadowed. I didn't want to feel like. 

And yet you would have actually stayed in all of that. 

Oh, yes, and it would have just repeated with someone who wasn't safe, too. Right? Yeah. 

And so now you've like looked right at the beast. You've brought light to the darkness and you not just named it, not just validated it, You've also blessed it by saying, Oh, I see you.

You're not here to punish me or keep me trapped in the past or in guilt or jealousy or fear. You're here to invite me to choose love in a certain way. And I'm going to do that. I'm going to acknowledge this and I'm going to be the. best big sister that has ever existed and it'll all be by my opinion and preference and Claire will get to benefit and I'm gonna believe Helen when she says she wasn't talking about me.

And even if she was, if in some weird way that story made me think of people whose feelings I've hurt and I have guilt, is there any guilt that I could make amends for? Is there anyone I insulted that I remember? If I can't talk to them today or if they wouldn't receive it, could I send light and love to them?

The compassion prayer. Could I send the compassion prayer to myself in the past where I have hurt people's feelings but I didn't mean to. It just happened. What is this hurt feeling where I'm guilty that I did this to somebody? What does that remind me of? And can I make amends? Is it my business to fix the past?

Nope. The past is God's business. What's your business? How you show up with it today? And so a really big question for you might be, you know, I would do lists like what have I been guilty over? And what if I had been jealous of, and really keep using your pages and write them in and, and each one ask, Am I really afraid I can't have that?

Are there amends I need to make? Or is this just my mind stuck in an old belief system? How could I choose love from this? So previously on earth, we had to consume. I don't know, talk about it forever, hash it out, blame the mother, usually. We had to look at all of it over and over and over, talk therapy. Uh, we had to just do a lot of work with the past.

Today, that's not accurate anymore. We get to more quickly name it, label it, validate it, and move into solution. And that's where you're at. So will this come up again? Yes, but it'll never be as intense. You'll be faster at naming it, validating it, and saying wait, I'm gonna use all this to love more. How do I do that?

How do I love, you know, the, the mothering wound? How do I love somebody who didn't get to do what I'm doing? How do I love them even in their lack, even in their thoughtlessness? Even in their callousness or their limited. Oh, I know how I how I use that for love I thank them for what they did give me and for teaching me what I don't want to repeat 

Yeah, and then I think my my natural inclination is to stay in bitterness and blaming.

And I don't want that, so 

So what's the opposite of blame is guilt. Guilt and blame are two ends of one stick. So you can't give up guilt if you don't give up blaming. 

Yeah, I'm just shifting it. Right, so you 

work on both, right? Because either side that you're working helps the other. And then bitterness, what's the opposite of bitterness?

Gratitude? Literally, it would be forgiveness, it would be freedom from bitterness, which would be forgiveness. And, and then a natural side effect would be gratitude. So if you can't reach the forgiveness. Forgiveness is a funny beast because there's, there's not a specific formula that works. Like we can't just say do this and you're all forgiven.

Um, so yes, you can reach for gratitude because that's a side effect of forgiveness. And so you can just jump there and it'll get the forgiveness energies cooking. 

When I've previously, I don't know, tried to tackle this or similar ideas or just giving up this like being victimized. I've, I've only ever taken it as far from shifting from guilt to blame and kind of vacillated between the two, I think.

Which is so 

unpleasant an experience. 

Yeah, for both of us, probably. And really, because it keeps coming up, and it keeps being the thing that jumps out to me really. A big piece here that's going to help me is learning how to transform guilt into something other than blame. 

Yes, it's like you're working with guilt and blame both.

Guilt, blame, jealousy. Resentment, bitterness, patience, all these energies in motion can give you the hint, if you know what they mean, of what to replace them with. And you know, it is a practice, I've got to say, you know, I've been teaching for years and I've done a lot of public things with tapping and EFT and, and workshops and such and you know, I get misquoted, I get misunderstood all the time and it's an ongoing practice to take none of it personally.

and to choose compassion and love and to keep showing up for the benefit I can contribute and laugh at myself and the mistakes and love others and their misperceptions. And, you know, at least I get a lot of practice in that. So, I thank you for trusting me with it, and I love, love, love that we got to go through the process together.

And is it a one and done? No. It's a chipping away at the fear based emotions so that we evolve ourselves into educating the mind to choose a loving response, no matter what chemistry, no matter what energies. No matter who we're dealing with, so that we can have the best possible experience for ourselves and then others through us.

That's all 

for today. We'll be back next Thursday with our next episode. You can subscribe if you'd like to get new episodes when they drop, and reviewing and sharing the pod will help others find our community. We love getting your questions at hello at metaphysical street smarts. com and enjoy connecting with you on Instagram or wherever you've found us at metaphysical street smarts.

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