Ep27Elena

Anne: [00:00:00] Hi, I am Anne, and I'm Helen. And welcome to Metaphysical Street Smarts. What is Metaphysical Street Smarts? Helen 

Physical is everything you can see with your human eye. You can see, touch, feel, taste as a human. Metaphysical. Is that what you cannot see? Wifi microwave energy. When you feel somebody staring at you, you can't really feel eyesight.

So metaphysical is that what you can't perceive with the human eye? Street smarts means let's take the woowoo, the energetic, the airy fairy, and add it to logic so that you can have a better experience of yourself. In this one. 

Anne: As always, we invite you to take what blesses you and leave the rest. We're so glad you're here.

Anne: Let's jump in. 

Hi, Helen. Hi Anne. Hi. How are you doing? I'm doing good. Looking forward [00:01:00] to this week with you and hearing what your cosmic nudges. Yeah. 

Anne: Yeah. I'm so happy to be here. Um, so this week. I, uh, heard this concept of the forgotten favor about thinking of reaching out to someone who once did you a favor, big or small.

Anne: And I guess I'll make it personal that I never fully thanked or acknowledged them for maybe like, support during a tough, tough time or great advice or just made, made me laugh. And so thinking about that forgotten favor in. Just whatever pops into my mind and, uh, taking a minute to express that gratitude, even if it's been years and there was someone who.

Anne: It had helped me a lot around when, um, my second was born and it [00:02:00] was kind of in the weird Covid, post Covid era where like people couldn't come into the hospital, but we'd have one support person there and it was just all messy. And I had planned on having someone there who ended up not. She wasn't able to be in there with me.

Anne: And, uh, I never really kind of, just kind of weighed on me that even though she wasn't able to be there, that I, it just kind of like left kind of a weird feeling. And um, and I ended up reaching out to her a few months ago and just saying, here's this. Like, I just want you to know, even though you couldn't be there, it was really, I'm so grateful that you've been a part of.

Anne: My like mothering experience and, and supporting our family the way that you have and do and thank you so much and hopefully, you know, whether or not that was expected or however it was received, it definitely felt good on my end to kind [00:03:00] of express that, not leave that unexpressed. So I just highly recommend it.

That's very nice. Yeah. Sometimes I think, oh. I would like to make the time to write thank you notes. Mm-hmm. And, and I don't always do that. And sometimes too, like people will do something very sweet for me. And instead of emailing or texting a thank you, I wanna wait till I see if I'm gonna see them in person soon, not, you know, later, long later.

I like to look them in the eye and thank them. Yes, I, I do like thank you notes. I like when I get them. I, instead of thank you notes, I'm not as good at as that as I, I might wanna prioritize in the future. Um, I am good at sending cards when I see ones that are good for people or just, uh, thinking of you or, or something random to [00:04:00] connect.

Anne: Yeah, just taking that extra time to, to think of someone the other day. One of my friends called me about the podcast and she was just like, she had sent me a message. She was like, can I call you sometime? I was like, oh, because we usually just text. I was like, oh yeah, call me whenever you need to. And she called me and she was like, I just wanted to say, I'm so proud of you.

Anne: She had been listening to the podcast and I was like. Thank you very much for taking the time to call me when I definitely wasn't expecting it and just express what she was feeling and how she was viewing me. And I was just blown away that someone took the time to do that. And I love that example for me of if it affects me so deeply and I can get so much out of that simple thing that she did in time she took, I [00:05:00] love to do that for other 

people too.

And then I always like to say, oh, thank you mind for reminding me, or Thank you spirit for giving me this memory so that I can follow up. 

Anne: Mm-hmm. 

Right. Wouldn't it be nice if all our memories and past experiences, we could just encase them all in love? Gratitude given or received or complete, not just closure, not like I've tapped out, you know, triggers yet.

Really bring up all the memories that pop into my head at random times and just see them. The energy of love. So how would we go about doing that? Well, for me it's, it, it's interesting. It started when I was, um, when I first started studying Course in Miracles, I just started having all these random memories come up and they weren't bad.

They, you know, I didn't need to tap or anything. They weren't triggers, and yet they weren't good either. And I was like, I wonder what that's about. And then all these years in, as I'm dismantling the thought system of judgment and, and [00:06:00] separation, the idea of separation. You know, I'd still, these memories, I'm like, what is that about?

And I'm like, oh, I've never asked Holy Spirit or my high self to bring love to this memory. And so I've done so much forgiveness work in my, my years of spiritual growth that who I'm really bringing love to now is me in the memory. You are like, oh, I never thought to see what I was going through. And the.

The trauma or emotions or the confusion or the not knowing what anything meant, which doesn't feel good, that at that time I couldn't let love in. And today it's so different that I could feel like I can, even in the, the mind mindspace of Memory Bank, I could put in a lighter filter on it. Does that make sense?

Anne: Yeah. 

So I spent years doing [00:07:00] forgiveness work of people and memories, and then now it's about bringing love and light into the memory at a new level. 

Anne: Does that have to do with, you've talked about before when kids are angry, they don't wanna hear how much you love them at all, that kind thing. 

Yeah. And they don't wanna hug either or stay back.

Anne: Yeah. And so is it a similar kind of. Thing where now it's almost a reparenting of sorts of, of bringing love, if that's what parenting means to you, that like washing it with a new paintbrush almost color. Yeah. And like if, 

you know, somebody just recently was telling me about a hard week they had and they're like, I just wish, you know, that's not the way I would've chosen it and I would've shown up.

Um, you know, calmer better. And then when they were, you know, um, through just venting and asked me what I thought, I said, [00:08:00] well, I would remind you that you shut up the best you could for everything that's happened that brought you to that point in all the circumstance and situation. And you sh and it was good enough.

You were good enough and you did a good job. And yes, you'll have more skill later and more practice and more stamina, but for, for what you're talking about, it was good enough and it was the best you could do. And so why wouldn't I do that to memories of myself if I would do that for somebody I love and care for today.

Anne: I think it's hard to reconcile the idea that, you know, we can be trying our best and still do harm. Like it's just the reality. 

It is. And you know, I say this so often because I wanna integrate it. If, if I could have done it differently, I would have, yeah. Because then I wanna look at others and be able to say, Ooh, [00:09:00] if they could have done that differently, they would have.

Right. Yeah. I wanna reach always for non-judgment and compassion. Even if, even if, yes, some, some things I would say no, that is not appropriate and that's not okay with me. But I wanna be able to speak that not from attack or belittling or defense. 

Anne: That reminded me of the little thing that I sent you. The closer someone is to you, the more you treat them as you treat yourself.

Anne: It's as though they eventually enter the sphere of your inner world. 

Yes. You can't give respect to others if you don't respect yourself and you can't give love to others if you don't love yourself and you can't forgive others. If you can't forgive yourself. It's always connected. We're not separate from others.

That's the illusion and. How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. 

Anne: And in the end, it's a message of hope because we, we get to choose. I mean, if we're practicing, we get to choose [00:10:00] to forgive ourselves, to 'cause someone who forgives themselves, I mean, I'm assuming, doesn't feel the need to, to withhold hold grudges and hold grudges.

Anne: Yeah. 

At all. Yeah. And somebody who holds grudges would have a very hard struggle forgiving themselves for errors. Mm-hmm. 

Anne: What about someone? Can someone forgive others but not forgive themselves? I don't. 

Well, so forgiveness is this weird word. It's a symbol. Very complex. You would have to define what forgiveness is, right?

Mm-hmm. For yourself, because there's not. One answer to it. And there's not one formula for it, and there's no guarantee with it. Right? And so what's true? Complete forgiveness by your definition. [00:11:00] 

Anne: Hmm. 

Oh, put you on the spot. Are you ready? You could throw it back at me if you want. 

Anne: Um, okay. Well, I wanna take a turn at it.

Anne: Because I like when you put me on the spot 'cause it calls me out. Okay. So forgiveness to me is letting go of thinking that it should have been a certain way and just loving what is 

Wow. Yeah. It's a very thorough definition. Right. I would think, um, loving what is, that would take a little bit more work.

Right. And for me it's complete freedom from suffering. Right. Which means. If I've truly forgiven, I don't even remember it the same way. 

Anne: Mm-hmm. 

You know, and, uh, there's a country western song I, I always thought was very, a little too close to home for comfort at the time. It was like, we always bury the hatchet, but we leave the handle sticking out.

And I [00:12:00] would notice back then that if I got mad about something, I would suddenly remember everything in the history or my mind perceived. I was remembering everything. I don't know if I really was, and to me, true forgiveness would be if something happens, it's just that one moment, and I can choose that.

It doesn't bring up all of the past. If it brings up the past, I haven't really let it go, like you said. And I, I didn't evolve into loving what is so, yes. So the shorthand for me is forgiveness, is freedom from suffering, mental, emotional, or spiritual. And so could you forgive others and not forgive yourself?

No forgiving yourself. What happened naturally? If you've trained to the mind to lead the emotional body in forgiveness and loving what is. 

Anne: My natural conclusion is that without that key of self-forgiveness, there's nowhere for those little [00:13:00] hatchets to go just 

right walked. And yet that would be, you know, the mind that's forgiving is a forgiving mind of all that is.

Now, this is different though than the people who are mesmerized with guilt. Oh, that's a little different than true forgiveness, right? Guilt is this made up emotion that humans have. Um, that makes no sense. Like if you do something wrong, make amends, and yet humans can be mired in the energy of guilt and there's no amends to be made.

They just feel bad about the past. That's a a little different. And so I would say there it would be a focus on forgiving self and then really looking. For what you haven't forgiven, you know, where is it? Is it in the subconscious? It is it forgotten, and yet you're still holding beliefs and patterns that you haven't brought into awareness yet, 

Anne: and EFT with the right person is really good for that, [00:14:00] right?

Oh, my favorite way to forgiveness through EFT is Revenge taps. 

Anne: Revenge taps. I freaking tell revenge 

taps. Tell me more. I'm sure they're on the audio library under forgiveness. Okay, so. I have always like loved revenge movies and my kids and husband would always be like, huh, wow, you are like mean. And I'd be like, I don't know why I like that so much.

Right. And then some of the tapping when people were really just trapped in suffering over somebody else's behavior. There would be revenge taps and we'd always end up laughing and laughing, which popped the whole energy of holding resentment and anger and hurt feelings. And so I would love them. They would be, if I remember correctly, they'd be silly.

Like, I hope their hair turns green and they get, you know, I don't know, warts on their face. And I mean, ridiculous things we would never say out loud and uh, or really wish on somebody. [00:15:00] And my perception of that with EFT is that. We all have a 2-year-old in there who has a big angry opinion, and when you can voice it while you're tapping on these end points of major meridians in the body, it's like that part of you gets heard and validated that they really hurt your feelings.

And then you can laugh and let that energy go. You don't have to hold onto it and hoard it. 

Anne: That's a fun way to deal with it. We're all gonna get hurt at some point. 

And I think one of the lines that I heard a lot in tapping was something along the line of, so. When your feelings are really hurt, like you can't get outta your mind.

Right. And it would be something along the line. They don't get to live in my mind, rent free. Mm-hmm. And it's like they're all gonna have space without paying for it. 

Anne: Yeah. Free advertising. Totally. Totally. Well, we, I mean that, we've almost got a full episode there, but are you ready for our listener question for the week?

Anne: Yes, I am. Okay. Uh, this week our listener question [00:16:00] comes from Elena. And Elena asked, I've been noticing certain people in my life draining my energy, but I feel guilty setting boundaries or pulling away. How can I protect my energy without feeling like I'm being selfish? 

Whew, that's, yeah, that's a big one.

So nobody can drain your energy unless you are not managing your energy yourself. Uh, it's a perception that others. Cost us, affect us, hurt our feelings, let us down, and yet no one is ever responsible for our emotions or our energy. Once we learn how to be in clarity and choice and self-empowerment. So there are things that you might need more energy for.

So like, um, if I'm gonna be around, a lot of people say, go to a, I don't know, go to the Houston Rodeo or go to a concert, or go into a [00:17:00] VA hospital. Well, any hospital actually, I would spend time upping my frequency before I go because I don't have normal stamina for that. It's not my norm, right? If I'm gonna travel at an airport, definitely focused on managing my energy.

I think though that Elena might be talking about emotional energy. Mm-hmm. Like are you getting exhausted around people? You know? First you wanna be really clear, what belief system do you have about that, and does that belief system serve you and. The other part of it is clarity on, well, what are you giving?

Would you wanna be around people who later felt like you drained their energy? Is it really loving and kind How you're showing up for you for them? Is it giving you, you know, what's the payoff like? What's the accomplishment you get from being around these people? Is it a choice you're making in a way that nourishes your mind and your energy [00:18:00] eventually?

Sometimes things are exhausting at first. I mean, in an earlier episode we were talking about, uh, we mentioned like politics and being able to listen or observe intense things in our world without it throwing us out of inner peace and awareness. And it's along that line of having full clarity on your intention when you interact with others.

Is it to be drained or is it to build stamina to show up without being affected by other people's energies? And it's a lot of work because we're raised in a culture that teaches us everybody else is responsible for how we feel. And I used to struggle with wifi. Like literally I would be sick at the well at Starbucks, but that was the first place they had wifi publicly and I.

I would not feel good or in the Verizon store, I would feel really bad. And [00:19:00] the one thing that I'm really glad I knew to do was I never claimed it forever. Wifi makes me sick. I said, oh, my body's evolving to be comfortable with wifi. Right. Wow. Yeah. Or, or if I did feel exhausted from being around certain groups of people, I would say, oh, look, I get to build stamina for this.

What is it I'm aiming for? Right? And then I always make sure if I've been around a lot of people that, you know, I don't have the stamina for that kind of environment or that kind of talking or energy or languaging or emotion. I make sure I have a. Recovery and if possible, I set myself up for success by my definition before I go.

Anne: Yeah, being intentional before you go makes a big difference. 

And knowing what are you aiming for? If there are people you don't wanna hurt their feelings, are you compromising your health for that? Or you know, is it realistic that you could have less time with them [00:20:00] or does that not work in a bigger picture of who you are?

What are your values and what makes sense and aligns to it in the big picture? So a lot of times you need a much broader perspective and then you know what to aim for, and then you can start having a different quality of experience in the exchange. 

Anne: Even just the knowing why piece makes it so much more, I mean, bearable either.

Anne: You realize it's not worth it or you realize that it is in the bigger picture and, and then you get the tools that you need to have a good experience with it. 

There's an expression, um, that you know, if you get a, if you get a puppy, that if you don't work hard in the first nine months, you pay for it. The rest of the dog's life.

Right? Yeah. And so if you're gonna get a puppy and do puppy classes and puppy proof your house and do the training that's required to have a wellbe behaved [00:21:00] adult dog, it's a lot of work. It is exhausting till you build stamina for it. And even though sometimes it can be exhausting, right? And yet you know what you're aiming for, a well-behaved animal.

That you can love for and enjoy forever and parenting's like that. Parenting can be so exhausting. 

Anne: What do you mean? So 

you need to know that what I'm aiming for is worth the physical exhaustion. And then if you're talking about emotional, energetic exhaustion, you really wanna be sure that just like the dog or the parenting example, you're aiming for something that makes it a reasonable.

Experience to get the payoff you want. 

Anne: Totally. That totally makes sense. 

So did I find it energetically and emotionally exhausting being around my parents at certain times? Yes, I did. And yet I knew that my overall target was as [00:22:00] their lives wrapped up that. I had shown up by my definition of a good daughter, and so it didn't matter if I was exhausted, it was worth it to me and I'd just come home and get time off.

Anne: Yep. And it, and it either makes it worth it or it doesn't. 

Yes. And it takes a lot of thought and insight to be clear, what are you doing, why are you doing it, and what is the payoff? 

Anne: Awesome. So what would your question be for Elena then, 

Elena? I would really look at, are you trapped in a codependent cycle, or do you just need to tweak your intention a little bit to what it is you would prefer to feel around these particular people.

Anne: Elena, thank you so much for your question this week. We appreciate your writing in and everyone else who's sending in questions. Thank you. 

Keep 'em coming folks. 

Anne: Alright, Helen, well, anything else for our episode today? 

I think that's it. Just [00:23:00] that I really enjoyed this time and I thank all of our listeners so much.

Don't forget to do, um, reviews or comments and send in questions. It really helps us to keep going. 

Anne: Yeah, I'm loving reading these reviews at the, at the start of the episode, so thank you for sending those and helping other people find the podcast. And. But yeah, just sharing it with anyone who you think might enjoy.

Anne: We love having you around and 

I would think from all the years I've been teaching and for all the years I've been a student, that as you listen, it probably prompts questions about what we're talking about because we are going through things really quickly and we love rehashing and going in deeper. So don't hesitate.

Anne: Yeah. You know, I'm bringing up things that we've already talked about. It's, this is your podcast as well, so you hear something, you wanna talk about it, send it to us. You've already written in, write it again, we don't care. That's what we're here for. So please [00:24:00] don't, if you come off, just, just use a different name.

Anne: Okay. Thank you so much, Helen. Thank you. For being here. I'll talk to you next time. Loved it. Thank you. 

Bye bye.

Anne: Oh 

man, God. 

Anne: That's all for today. We'll be back next Thursday with our next episode. You can subscribe if you'd like to get new episodes when they drop. And reviewing and sharing. The pod will help others find our community. We love getting your questions at Hello at metaphysical Street Smarts dot. Com and enjoy connecting with you on Instagram or wherever you've found us at Metaphysical Street Smarts.

Anne: You can leave comments or questions there, which may be featured on our rapid fire segment. For information on upcoming events and consults with Helen, please visit Helen Rays. Dot com. That's H-E-L-E-N-R-A-C z.com. 

We invite you to re-listen. Join us on our next [00:25:00] episode, send us questions because it is our intent to support you at this tumultuous time on Earth into the best experience of you.

Anne: Thanks for being here. Until next time, stay grounded.